My story and contact us area
Located in Sullivan County NY, feel free to email me with any questions or
concerns you might have. Sometimes we all need a chance to just talk to
someone about what we're going through. If I can help you with that, then I've
done just what I've set out to do!
If you wish to be informed about any sales that some of the companies are
running, or about any up coming events, please fill out the info below and you
will be added to our list. Your information is kept private. We NEVER give it to
anyone!!
concerns you might have. Sometimes we all need a chance to just talk to
someone about what we're going through. If I can help you with that, then I've
done just what I've set out to do!
If you wish to be informed about any sales that some of the companies are
running, or about any up coming events, please fill out the info below and you
will be added to our list. Your information is kept private. We NEVER give it to
anyone!!
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Back in September 1997, it all started with a lump on the side of my neck. The lump was about an inch and a half
long, not to firm but noticeable. I was assuming that it was just a swollen gland nothing more, but since there wasn’t
any pain associated with it, I was beginning to wonder about that. So you set up a an appointment with your doctor.
(That’s always a step in the right direction.) My parents happened to be visiting that day, and when I told my mother
about it and she saw it, she had that look on her face like I’d better get moving on it. No problem, already had my
appointment set, it’ll be taken care of. At the time I was only 33, had two small children aged 3 and 1-1/2, I looked
right at her and told her, “I’m not going to be walking into any white light. And if they try and take me, I’ll cause such a
stir over there that they’ll realize they made a mistake, and they’ll have to send me back.” I guess it was from that
point, that my gut already knew the answer to what was really wrong with me. I had a tumor. And this might very well
be the battle of my life. A few days later when my doctor saw it, he didn’t waste any time in coming right out and telling
me that it was cancer. (and this was before any tests were done.) But for insurance purposes, I had to go through
several other tests just to rule everything else out. Test after test, the results came back negative. Now we move onto
cancer testing. A biopsy was scheduled on the lump so the tissue could be tested and we’d have a better idea of
what we were up against. The results, a lymphoma. They weren’t sure which type, so they had to send it out to
another lab to figure it out. By this time, I had already hit the books to find out more. I was told that with Hodgkins
disease, the treatment is just radiation. Non Hodgkins was a little more difficult to cure and you’ll need to receive
chemo and radiation treatments. Well guess which one I had? That’s right, Non Hodgkins. The more difficult one! You’
ve heard the remark, “If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all” well that’s me.
As I sat there letting this info sink into my thoughts, I wondered what was going to happen. I had no desire to leave
my kids, so death was not an option for me. After a short crying spell just to let all my emotions out, I took a deep
breath, straightened my back and went in with the attitude that I was ready to battle the devil himself, and I WAS
GOING TO WIN!!!!
Let the fight begin. During this time, the tumor was growing. Enough so that it started to block the flow path of the
lymph fluid in my chest. I’d wake up in the morning and my face would be swollen. During the course of the day,
gravity would pull it back down and I’d look normal again. The radiologist I had to see, looked at me like I had two
heads when I told him my face was filling up with fluid overnight. He didn’t believe me, and had the nerve to tell me
that I was imagining it. What nerve! I think I’d be the first one to know when something was wrong with my own body!
Two days later, the fluid found another place to go. My right breast started filling up. You’d be surprised to see just
how much they really can hold! The skin gets really shiny when it gets stretched that far! And there wasn’t any pain
at all. I called my doctors office that morning and said,”I think we have a problem”. The nurse didn’t waste any time
getting me into the office that day. As I tried to cover my temporary deformity, half of me was normal, the other side
was a Dolly Parton wanna be! The nurse was stunned and couldn’t believe that I was laughing about it. What else
was I supposed to do? Laugh! Make light of the situation. I had appointments set up that day for my first radiation
treatment. According to my doctor, we had to move quickly on this because he was concerned that the tumor was
closing in on the vein to my heart. And if that happened, well, we know what that means. The radiologist makes blue
tattoo like markings on the area that they are going to work with. These dots will never come off of you so remember
that. I have two down from the neck, he thought he was going to put one on my chin but he found out differently! I
had no desire to hear for the rest of my life that I had pen ink on my chin. For anyone who doesn’t know what a
radiation is like, you lay on a table and they shoot a beam of light into your body. You feel nothing. What they don’t
tell you (at least with me) is that radiation will damage the tissues in the area that they hit. That I found out later. But
my first treatment was over in a few minutes. And that night, I woke up with this feeling in my chest like I had just
swallowed drano and it was bubbling inside my chest. Talk about a weird feeling! It didn’t hurt, it just felt weird. It
released something inside that allowed the fluid to start draining again. I had to have a few more treatments to
complete that set before I was to start my chemo treatments. At least we were off and running!
Before I could start my treatments, I had to have another CT scan along with a bone marrow test. They had to make
sure that my cancer hadn’t spread. At that point, they did find that it spread to under my right armpit. The bone
marrow test is one that will stay with me forever. They numb you up from the waist down. Take a small instrument and
drill into the back area of your hip bone. Use a long thin spoon like tool to slide into the hole they made, rock your
hips back and forth while they scrape the insides of your bone. Even though you are numb and there isn’t any pain,
you can still feel what’s happening to you. It’s been ten years for me and as I write this, I can relive it as though it
happened yesterday. Then they roll you over and do the other side! It takes a while for the numbness to wear off. My
husband had to help me walk out of the hospital because I still couldn’t feel my right leg enough to support my own
weight. Results in, bone marrow tested negative for cancer cells.
Non-Hodgkins cancer as well as others I’m sure, are not compatible with radiation. The radiation has to be out of your
system completely before the chemo is allowed to enter the body. So I had to wait a few days for my treatment. The
treatment for me (at that time) was a combination of three different medicines that would be sent through an
intravenous tube. They were Vincristine,Cytoxan and Adriamycin. The last of the group was the most severe, and it
would cause me to lose my hair in two weeks. I was also told to drink a lot of water afterwards to flush it out of my
system. They couldn’t stress that enough. I was also supposed to take Prednisone. This leaves a horrible after taste
in your mouth and the only thing I found to take that away was to take the pill with orange juice. You might as well
know now, I’m a bad patient! And if things don’t taste good, I don’t take them! Each of the meds have their own list of
side effects. If you’d like to know what they are, just email me and I’ll be happy to tell you. Regardless of what type of
cancer you’re being treated for, I’m going to tell you to gargle with salt water after every treatment several times a
day. I developed the worst sores in my mouth. It made it almost impossible to eat or drink anything. And they lasted
for several days. I lost weight that I couldn’t afford to lose from not being able to eat. From that day on I used the salt
water and I didn’t have the problem again.
Now I know you’ve all wondered about things in your life. And that you’ve walked through doors not knowing what will
happen to you next. Well sitting in that chair waiting for your first chemo treatment is no difference. They are going to
inject you with poisons, plain and simple. These drugs are designed to go after and kill anything they deem a threat
to your body. Although the drugs have come along way since I had mine, they still haven’t made them to where they
only go after the bad cancer cells. You sit there wondering how your body is going to handle the treatments. The
nurse/doctor should tell you a list of things that could happen to you. Some of them right away, others of course,
later. They just want you to be informed. Not that it can change anything, you still need the treatments to live. With
the drugs that I needed to have, my doctor informed me that I needed to have a port put in because the drugs are
known to burn out veins. With a port, they can directly inject them into that and save the veins in my arms. A port is a
small unit that will need to be surgically placed in your chest area just under the skin. It’s somewhat hollow inside and
it has small wires that they connect to your veins so the chemo can travel around from there. You will feel and see a
small raised bump where they place it. After a while, the tissues in that area will start to grow over the unit. (at least
they did with mine) My doctor told me that it would have to remain there for at least six months. Do yourself a favor,
pick a nice young surgeon who’s really good at his job. You want to be left with a small white line that is barely visible
for a scar instead of something that looks like Frankenstein did it. There is also the possibility that the veins in your
chest will be a lot more prominent after your treatments. (Color wise) Your chemo treatments will more than likely be
done by intravenous. And it will take a few hours for the process to be complete. Bring reading material, knitting etc.
or bring a friend to chat with. And don’t forget the water!!!!
Your doctor may tell you that there will be hair loss. I was told that mine would start to fall out in two weeks, and two
weeks to the day it did start to thin. Not clumps like you hear about, just thinning, quickly. And each individual hair felt
like a needle poking my head. And when I would lay down, it made a crunching sound and felt like a pin cushion. It
was time for the hair to go. I had my sister take her clippers and cut it all off. I’d have to say, that all through this
ordeal, I did have a few times when things were really hard for me to handle. The first time I heard that it was Non-
hodgkins and my tumor was just shy of being a foot long, and sitting here in this chair waiting for the clippers to start.
She was good, she placed them at the back of my head, and said,”Ready?” because we both knew that once she
started, there was no turning back! Now I knew that it would all grow back after the treatments were all over and my
system was free from the drugs, but it’s still a hard thing to do. I now have a new respect for men who shave their
heads or are bald. They really feel the cold!! After she shaved my head, there wasn’t anymore discomfort. It was
gone, completely. I had already purchased a wig to wear for when this would happen. And I had her cut and style my
hair to match the wig, so no one was the wiser when I just started wearing the wig. It sure was easy getting ready after
that! My hair was always ready for me! Slap a little makeup on and I was good to go. You can also expect to lose your
eyelashes and eyebrows too. I ended up with four eyelashes on each eye. Thank God for eyeliner! (I’ve listed a great
site for eyelashes on my site, check it out.) My son was watching my sister shave my head. When she was finished,
he just looked at me, I asked him if he wanted Aunt Paula to cut his hair like mine? He said,”No”. Well, at least he was
honest!
Hopefully, your doctor will give you something for the nausea that usually comes from receiving chemo. I received
some with the treatment and a script for pills that I could take later. My advice to you- TAKE THEM. They are given to
you for a reason. Don't try to go without to see if you can handle it or not, (been there, done that) it is far easier to
just take them and not feel sick then to try to keep them down when you can't. When the nausea kicks in, it will be
with force. Don't put yourself through that. Learn from my mistake. You may also have to get shots for a few days
afterwards to help your body maintain red blood cells. I was given Neupogen injections for ten days following my
chemo treatments. Thankfully, my mother's wonderful friend Pam was able to give me the injections I needed so I
didn't have to go into the doctors office. Neupogen also has side effects. You can suffer from bone and skeletal pain.
The only problem I had with this drug was it made my entire mouth hurt. Both jaws and teeth. It hurt to chew. (cancer
really can be a great weight loss program!) I couldn't wait for the ten days to be over. And if I got to skip a day, it was
pure bliss! This drug was necessary to keep me out of the hospital and to maintain a fairly normal blood count. I
couldn't afford an infection at this time.
It seems my system started getting used to the chemo treatments. Each one seemed to get a little easier each time I
went. The side effects lessened, I wasn’t as tired as I had been the previous times. I was just able to deal with it so
much better. Luckily for me, my body responded very well to the treatments. They say that the faster a tumor grows,
the faster it responds to treatment. My cancer disappeared completely and I didn’t have to complete the full course of
treatment. My doctor did want me to have a small unit placed surgically into my chest to collect good red blood cells
in the event that this cancer came back. (They say that there is a 15% percent chance that it will return) I told her
“No”. I had already put my body through enough and I wasn’t going to do that. With the odds only being at 15%, I’d
take my chances. And if it did come back, then I’d cross that bridge when I got there. So far, so good! I also wanted
the port removed. She requested that I keep it in for just a while longer, but I reminded her that she said I only
needed it for six months and the time was up. I had it removed a week later. It did leave a bit of a dent where it was
placed, but I just add that to the blue dot tattoos, and the scars from the biopsy and where the port was installed.
They are my battle scars. I wear them proudly! I also suffered radiation damage to the upper lobes of both my lungs.
Makes them feel quite heavy at times. But it’s something that I have to live with. I’ve told my family that I’m “Tonka
tough”! I walked away from a cancer that should have killed me. I’ve been given another chance, and I plan to make
the best of it. Things haven’t always been very easy. But lately, I feel like a they are turning around for me and I am
grateful for that. I have a wonderful family and friends that I love dearly. I wouldn’t want to lose any of them.:) Did this
give me a new zest for life? You bet it did! There isn’t anything that comes my way now, that I let stop me.
So…..If you’re faced with cancer, DON’T GIVE UP!!
Fight it with everything that you have. If you bow down to cancer, it will take you. You must be strong of mind and
have a determination that you’ve never had before. I was defiant. I refused to give in. It beat me down pretty good. I
lost so much weight, and looking at myself in the mirror like that with no hair, was pretty scary. I did wonder if I was
going to be able to pull this off. But I still didn’t give up. I’m not a very religious person. I don’t believe that you have to
go to church to have your prayers heard. I know full well that you can do that anywhere and be sincere and someone
always hears you. I did go to two healing services at a Catholic church. I have never had to ask for help for myself,
and walking up there to ask people to pray for me, took everything I had just to do it. The priest’s final words to me
were, “Believe Tammy, Believe” and I remember them everyday. I also had someone give me a small pair of gold
colored crutches to wear everyday for I think it was two weeks. After that time, I was to find a statue of Mary and place
them at her feet and say a prayer for myself. I did it, I was willing to believe that everything I was doing was going to
help me. No matter how far out there the idea was, I was willing to take a chance on it.
So be strong. Believe in your ability to heal. Find a doctor that you totally trust and believe in. Allow yourself at least
one really good cry just to get it out of your system. READ about your illness. Learn as much as you can to help
yourself. (I’ll be listing a few books on my site, you can check them out.) Find something funny everyday to make you
laugh. Surround yourself with loving people. Take time for yourself. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes!!! Cancer
treatments can leave you feeling very tired, so rest. It’s the best way to help yourself heal.
And most of all: BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE!!!!
This site was sent out on the wings of angels, so it would go far and wide
helping who ever needed it. Here's my cancer story:
helping who ever needed it. Here's my cancer story:
